Waking up sucks. Getting to sleep is hard enough, but to be pulled from sleep and the first thing I remember is that? Yeah. Not fun.

I miss my Mom. More than I should. That isn’t quite as heartless as it sounds, I hope. It is just that I have never met her. I miss the idea of her. I just don’t know if I should give myself the luxury of missing her when I am lucky to have my brother and my dad. I miss that she might be able to help me deal with this.

We have one photo of her, before I was born, obviously. Her, Dad and Dep. Dad says I look like her ‘cept my hair is a bit lighter and my eyes darker. But it is Dep who gives me the most insight into her, I guess. Dad’ll catch an expression on his face, a certain look and he’ll say ‘There! That right there, that was your Mom!’ I don’t know how Dep feels about that, but he is stoic. At least he remembers her.

Me writing might seem like an anomaly. Bit of ‘dog walking on its hind legs’ type stuff. Diverting but unnecessary. There is a bit of a divide – old school says writing and reading are important. New school says it is a waste. I can see both sides of the argument, but when it comes down to it, I am glad I have this skill. I get to learn new stuff, about the old world and made-up worlds. It is pretty cool. And there isn’t anything else to entertain us, really. A lot of kids are missing out – Middle Earth, Panem, Hogwarts.

At first I was pretty embarrassed. None of my friends were doing it, but dad was insistent. Dep would tease me for using that word. ‘Just say “pain in the ass!”’ But he, like dad, loves reading and likes to bust the occasional multisyllabic word. ‘Just say “big” word!’ There he goes again, getting into my business.

The whole world is their library now. And dad says when things get back to normal, there will need to be writers again. Someone to tell our story. I wondered if I needed to write about the more boring, political stuff but dad said that should be left to the historians. He reckons he is going to give me writing ‘activities’. Great. Stay tuned for that excitement. I thought this was supposed to be my form of therapy. But whatever. Not as if I have much else to do after my daily jobs are finished. I can humor him.

It has been a week now. I can’t avoid talking about it forever. Maybe next entry. I’m not holding out. It is tough. I loved her.

Anyway. I realize that I haven’t introduced myself. You can call me Jay.