You fell asleep? he asked incredulously.

I glanced at him sheepishly. Yup. Woke up in a puddle of my own saliva and everything.

That’s attractive.

It is what I aim for.

Jack and I were on clean up duty, looking for strays. I was itching to get further afield, to see how far out they’d been.

You okay? Jack asked. You seem distracted.

Yeah, I’m fine. I get out of sorts after this sort of thing. All fear, no action.

See – I’m the opposite. I feel fantastic – we are alive!

I don’t even know if that is opposite. Maybe it is on a spectrum.

I’ll just pretend I know what that means, Jack laughed. Either way, it makes me assess my life, you know?

I guess. I was too busy trying to nonchalantly peer through the trees, to notice Jack was right close behind me. Right in my ear.

Jay –

I whipped around to be met with his earnest gaze. Oh, I didn’t like this at all.

You have to know how I feel?

Did I? I searched his face. Was he messing with me? He leaned in.

Woah! Jack! I cried, placing a firm hand between us.

I thought….he began.

We’re friends, okay? I interrupted, wishing the herd would come back.

Friends? Jack repeated, staring at me, his face inscrutable. Had I noticed how damn pretty his eyes were before?

Yeah, come on – haven’t you heard about my drooling problem? I cringed at his short, harsh laugh, and myself. Why did I have to demean myself, jokingly or not, to deflect his attention?

Yeah, he said, his face softening a little. You are pretty gross.

Absolutely, I agreed.

 

At the end of our shift we parted ways with our usual banter, but I couldn’t shake the feeling in the pit of my stomach. I don’t know if it was dread or embarrassment, but whatever it was, it was heavy and insistent.