I will end you?

Every time I replay it in my head, I cringe. Flair for the dramatic, or what? But seriously, how DARE he think he can touch after I said no? Asshole.

I miss Hayley so much right now. She would pretend to get why I dumped him, even though I know she would think I threw a perfectly good boy away. Still, she would tell me I did the right thing, and that Ben was a loser. (This is, of course, after lying about why I broke up with him, not the I-was-bit-on-the-ass-and-survived-and-can-never-have-sex-lest-I-give-away-my-deadliest-secret version.)

It feels like everyone is looking sideways at me, that mean bitch, who broke poor Ben’s heart. Dad and Dep are being supportive, trying to be all somber, when I know they wanted to high five each other when I came home and told them. I said I wasn’t ready for ‘stuff’ which stopped them asking questions but also pleased them no end. They think I am being all pro-active and in charge of my body and feelings. God, if only they knew how NOT in control of my body I am.

I have put down to do more patrols and even a few runs, if Dad’ll let me. I can’t handle bumping into him, his Aunt and Uncle, his friends.

Mish was surreptitiously sent for, to give me womanly support or whatever but she hasn’t been able to come. I know she would be on ‘my’ side, but she has that soft spot for Ben, and will be a little disappointed.

I want my mom.